Church blogging?

13 11 2011

At mass today in his homily, Fr. John challenged parishioners to make a note of something from mass that Makes Them a Better Person.
As I’ve been relearning my faith as an adult, I’ve been finding new ways that God speaks to me and challenges me. Can’t promise I’ll actually do this every week, but I love the idea of finding ways the liturgy speaks to my everyday life.
Most blogging will be done from my phone, if that’s something you find interesting.

Update 11/3/12:shortly after writing this my computer got a virus and I realized the in-the-moment writing I planned to do from my phone at church was intrusive. Although I’m basically taking notes during mass, thus deepening my experience, it just was to weird (or I was self conscious of what others would think) tapping away on my phone during mass. I have a few drafts that were jotted down and meant to be revised later before I became disenchanted with the whole blogging thing.

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Visibly smaller?

26 08 2010

I started this post almost two weeks ago and planned to include a couple pics I’d taken in the mirror.  I was wearing the same clothes I was in the dead lift video and was convinced I looked smaller! Maybe I did.  I’ve trashed those pics, though. (they were also really, really poor quality)  It was a rough week and I was feeling really beat down and convinced myself it was all in my head.

I do a really good job of crazy making in my head, over analyzing EVERYTHING.





Desire to serve

18 07 2010

Went to church for the first time in a couple months this morning.  I sang in the choir last year (Sept-Mayish) and we have the summers off.  I’ve taken that oppertunity as an excuse to sleep in, some days planning to go, but unable to get out of bed (this was during the more depressed time right after losing my job.) (I was also out of town 3 of the last 8 weeks).  I knew I wanted to go, but wasn’t making it a priority.

I’m Catholic, raised in the faith, and continue to enjoy my faith.  Anyone who knows me isn’t surprised when I like things that are old, have a history, or are layered in meaning.  <– could be a definition of the Catholic Mass.  It is so rich in meaning, all over the place.  The responses, prayers, music – I find it so cool to participate in something that lots (several million at least) of other people are doing.  And have done.  And will do in the future. And we all bring to it our own biases and get different things out of it.  It’s also exciting that I never quite know what I might walk away from the mass feeling or thinking about. I’ve also come to really feel like a part of the community, this church and choir I’ve been a part of the past year.  I’ve missed seeing the friends.  Even though our relationships tend to be focused around church/mass/choir, they have a big impact on me that I was missing.

I had no predispositions about mass today.  But I guess God did, because hoo-boy, was it filled with emotion.  From the moment mass started, I was on the verge of tears.  This happened several more times throughout mass, seemingly for no reason (not in response to anything in particular).  I think it just felt good to be there. And surrounded by a loving community.  Even without gleaning deep meaning from prayers or songs, I knew that I was in the right place, that participating in the mass was important.  I’m pretty good at stuffing my feelings, so when I have overwhelming ones (good or bad) I don’t always respond to them the way my body might like. (such as letting myself cry).

Then the gospel and homily spoke to the spirit of service.  Mi casa es su casa. The Aloha spirit.  The simple idea of serving others; hospitality.  This spoke to be because although I want to be this way, and am, I’m often distracted by worrying about myself.  I don’t even have people over to my house all that often because I’m afraid they might judge me for what’s in my kitchen (although there’s nothing in there now besides chicken, rice, salad mix and the like).  I spend so much time worrying about how others might perceive me that I neglect to actually meet all of their needs.  I’ve overcome this issue a great deal in my professional life (because I feel confident and competent as a therapist) but not so much in my personal life.  Or, at least not as much as I’d like.  It’s absolutely ridiculous that I would ignore this call because I’m so preoccupied with myself.  It’s gross.  On my journey to lose weight, I’m really on a journey to find myself and be the best person I can be, in whatever body I’m walking around in.  (my, that’s a grandiose statement.  This idea will take some time to tease out.)  I long for the day I can make a meal for friends and not tell them the nutrition facts of it (because I’m worried about it), not worry about eating in front of others, not worry about all the silly little things that keep me from enjoying the act of serving.





The name of the game is…

6 06 2010

I’ve recently come to the decision to try and loose weight (again) but this time I’m enlisting the help and support of my family and friends. Generally, in the past (read: failed attempts) I’ve tried to take this on pretty much alone. I’ve worked with trainers, planned diet meals with friends, been in therapy, but never really let more than one or two people actually know about the ins and out of daily life with regard to my body. My weight is probably the largest (ha!) and easiest issue to discuss, but there is so much more involved. Body image (at any size), self esteem, self worth, it’s all part of it. Whoa, that’s a lot. Freud would immediately schedule me for daily sessions.

When this idea was presented to my family, the response was “sure!” “but how do we know what’s up? You gonna write a blog or something?” Apparently I am. It really does seem like a simple way to keep track of my progress, to write about successes and struggles, to vent, and generally keep those who care about me informed. And I don’t have to send a mass email, they can read and respond as they wish here. Not sure yet what ‘angle’ I’ll write too – probably not too deeply personal, the world is not my therapist. But it’s next to impossible to write about weight loss without including a bit of how I got to this point, what I’m changing in my head, the thoughts that drive my current problem behaviors. I plan to keep the blog semi-anonymous. I know I’m not the only person who has these struggles, yet I don’t pretend to be sharing anyone’s experiences but my own. I just don’t think it’s necessary for strangers (if, by happenstance, strangers end up reading this) to know my name and address. Neither identity thieves!

Holy COW there are a lot of parentheseed (prob not a real word) words here… sorry if that annoys you, it will probably work itself out as I get more comfortable, get some thoughts straightened out, and generally get busy enough that I’m only posting brief updates. Or not. I really don’t know just yet! (update: it will not work itself out. I’ve decided to embrace my random stream of consciousness, and at the same time, came up with a blog name!)

Check back for progress, maybe recipes? or, at least meal ideas that I’ve used (or plan to use) and maybe a similar approach to workouts. Or book reviews – who knows?

Comments:
psurfalicious says:
I dig the complete title. Nice work.