One Step Away From Sweatpants

17 06 2010

I’ve been learning a lot about myself the last few months.  I realized sometime around February that I hadn’t really been taking any pride in my appearance.  Not only had I let myself gain 15 pounds in the last year, 30 or so since college, 50 or 60 since high school, I was barely making an effort to look better than as though I’d just gotten out of bed.

I’m not a particularly vain person (well, aren’t all humans vain? with the whole original sin business?) but I do like to look nice.  I’ve always enjoyed fixing my hair, makeup, choosing accessories to complement me and my clothes.  I realized one day getting ready to go celebrate a friends’ birthday that I hadn’t put more than minimal effort into this process since… I couldn’t remember the last time. I was describing this realization to someone (whom I love and loves me, so I didn’t take this the wrong way) “like you’re one step away from living in sweatpants, huh?”  Holy shit, that was true.

About a month later, I found myself at Target shopping for what I’d recently read to be called the “fat uniform:” stretchy, nondescript black clothes.  Ugh. So these thoughts had been swirling in my head: I wanted to make a change, it felt like such a big change I was scared and didn’t know where to start, all that kind of stuff. I wanted to take care of myself, but didn’t know where to start.

So I started with small changes (even though I read this) and figured I needed to learn how to live differently, and that had to be done one step at a time.  Jumping in without looking would likely lead me to failure and self-destruction (I know this from my history).  An easy thing to do was change what food I bought: if I don’t have it at home, it’s much harder to eat.  This continues to be a struggle, I find myself wandering in the kitchen (probably bored, not actually hungry) and not finding anything to eat that didn’t require prep or had the amount of sugar, fat or salt in it I was craving. The grocery store is only a few blocks away (which is nice! I walk there most of the time now!) but… it’s also only a few blocks away. Piles and piles of bad-for-me food is so close.  I even figured out that I could start pre-heating my oven, walk the the store and back, in the just right amount of time to heat up frozen taquitos. NOT a good thing to discover.

I’ve started walking more in general.  Now that I finally live in the city, within walking distance of so much, it seems silly to drive the one mile (one way) to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription, especially when I don’t have plans for the rest of the day. (This unemployment thing helps, too.  I have ALL DAY to accomplish tasks.) And the gym is less than a mile and a half – I can walk or ride my bike. Easy.

But at some point I need to make bigger changes, right? or not? I’m slowly losing, it can’t all be coincidence and luck. I was able to shrink my stomach – something I’ve done before. Just eat smaller meals long enough, and your stomach stops stretching so far.  Then when you eat a bigger meal, you feel full sooner. The trick is to keep it that way. It’s even easier to stretch it out again. I know from experience.

There’s more, I’m sure. But this is the start of me organizing and sharing how I’m changing my life.



One response

20 06 2010

It sounds like you are making some very distinct and honest changes. I think you will accomplish all that you put your mind to and great things will happen.

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