Scared

6 06 2010

Now that I’ve gone and put it on the internet, I’m starting to tell everyone what I’m doing. The point of this is to get support and accountability, but that scares me just as much as it is exciting! It will be harder to hide, harder to make excuses… all the reasons I’m doing it and all the reasons I don’t want to.

I’ve told a few people outside of my family about this so far… I wasn’t really planning to, but yet, I made a blog. For all the world to see. So maybe I meant to subconsciously? (ah, Freud again!) The exact same thing that makes this process hard is what may make it easy. For a couple days while I fretted about the name and layout of the blog (I decided to go quite basic as you can tell) I had grand delusions of becoming famous somehow, reaching lots of people… basically going viral. But, uh, there’s like 67,500,000 results for a google search of “weight loss blog” so that’s probably not going to happen. (nor the point of the blog).

Someone said (bbm’d, same difference) to me today “you have to want it bad enough on your own.” He’s completely right, of course, and I do want it, I just don’t know how to actually DO IT. Whoa. Not sure I’ve actually said that out loud before. (I did, just now, literally say it out loud so this time my words are accurate). Not an easy thing to admit for someone who struggles to ask for help, admit when she’s wrong or, *gasp* doesn’t know the answer to something. Scary. The actual DOING of the losing weight is where I struggle. Again, this is where ya’ll come in, I’m counting on support making a difference in the follow through of my intentions.

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